After a few very emotional days I am happy to say that tonight I am going to bed with butterflies in my stomach. Nothing specific has happened, I am just so excited by the possibilities now that I have given myself the freedom to change careers. Tonight I must have applied for 7 jobs and reached out to half a dozen friends and personal contacts I have.
I feel so different. I feel…I’m not sure what the word is. Let’s see if I can describe this to you. I am feeling open to changes in my life I haven’t felt in a long time. I am eager to learn. I am willing to start at the bottom and work my way up. I feel like a whole new beginning is right around the corner and I am not scared or worried. It is such a relief and so exciting to feel this way.
Now that I have Trevor on sie with this change I had to find a way to talk to my girls about it. Today I had the opportunity. We were on our way to the city and I had their undivided attention. I started by apologizing for how distracted, irritable, and busy I have been. I continue by explaining that I am really unhappy with my job and that I need to make a change. I explained that I don’t exactly know what this change will mean other than making me happier. We discussed that it might mean fewer trips, not getting new clothes when they want them and maybe having to eat at home more often. They were surprisingly supportive and understood. My oldest daughter, Mekayla, the one I was most concerned about her reaction even said, “I would rather you better a mom and wife” when we were discussing how I feel like I am not doing anything well these days. So with Trevor and the girls support I am feeling invincible.
Last night my parents stopped over. My mom and I work in the same field, my other job that is. And she can’t understand how I don’t love the job because she does. And my dad is always talking about the money and what that gives us. For the first time both of them understood when I said I was walking away and didn’t come back with anything but “good for you” and “I’m proud of you.” To me that was a huge sign that I am making the right choice because if they are not giving me a hard time about it then I must be doing something right.
And lastly, I always knew I had the most amazing friends. I know that I have a group of friends that I can always count on. But in the last little while these friends have blown my expectations out of the water. The supportive messages I have received have brought me to tears. The gifts I have received were totally unnecessary but were given with love and are so appreciated because they are the “perfect gift” for this moment in my life.
I have been told that I always appear so strong, calm and collected. Lol…well I am strong, calm and collected most of the time but like everyone else I have my weak spots and weak moments too. And although I don’t like to trouble my friends with my problems, this time I have needed to put my life out there because I need to know what everyone is thinking on this huge issue. Leaving a job like the one I have is huge and taking on something in a field that may seem a bit wishy washy is crazy. My head has been spinning and hearing everyone’s thoughts has helped me to keep my head on straight and think things through from several different perspectives. And thanks to all of that I now know where I am headed.
And although I am sure there will be a few more low moments before I find my way down the golden path, tonight I am going to bed with butterflies in my stomach because I am so excited about what the future holds for me.
Thanks to everyone out there who has been following this new adventure in my life and providing me with supportive words and your honest thoughts.
The best of me is yet to come…I can feel it!