I have taken the laptop to bed with me for the first time in a really long time because I am really struggling tonight and could sure use your thoughts and comments.
Trevor has finally seen just how miserable I am at my other job and tonight “gave me permission” to quit my other job if that’s what I need to do. I don’t need comments on the “permission” thing. He didn’t give me permission but finally said that I can do whatever I need to do instead of just telling me how much we would have give up if I made that choice.
So now I am faced with the choice. Do I walk away from cash for life and do what makes me happy? I am so torn. Scared to death is maybe a better way to describe it. What if I let him and the girls down? What if I fail? But then on the other hand, how can I fail when I love what I do so much that there is no way I can’t succeed. And what if I am a huge success then what?
I’ve said it before and I will say it again. This company continues to push me past every comfort level I have. I am on the verge of tears and am freaking out inside.
Perhaps finally leaving the security of my job will provide me with new doors to open in a whole new life. A life that excites me and that I find rewarding. Perhaps if I stay where I am I will never have that door open.
I was recently offered a position as the Marketing and Event Coordinator for the Ottawa West Golden Knights that I happily accepted of course. In my meeting with the owner he had so many positive things to say about me and made me believe that I just might have what it takes to succeed at this. He even said I am a natural salesman. Ouch! I’ve been told that before and told them to never say that again because the last thing I want to do is sell stuff. But, it turns out that sponsorships is a huge part of my events world now and guess what…I have to sell it. And apparently I’m good at it. Who would have known? And this marketing stuff just seems to be coming together in my head which is really fun and amazing.
So, I have a couple small paying jobs in the world I love. I have a very well paying job in a world that I really don’t enjoy. I am scared to death of letting my family down. I am scared to death of failure. But, my gut is telling me to jump. For the first time in my life I have not just jumped. OMG!! I am freaking out right now.
All I can think about right now is a conversation I had with a friend who was in the same position as me. She worked in a job she disliked. Had a talent that was staring her in the face. Finally one day she just quit. She said as soon as she did it she wanted to walk into the woods and scream. She felt this huge weight lifted off her shoulders. She said money was tight for a bit but they survived and now they are back on track and loving life.
It frustrates me that if this was one of my friends saying this to me I would tell they are crazy for doubting themselves and take the leap. But look at me now. Almost in tears lying in my bed. Scared and frustrated and scared.
What would you do? Please share, I could really use your help tonight.