Today’s post is not about the details around why I am writing this so for those of you who don’t know what’s happened in the last month I apologize. I promise to tell the whole story just not today.
Today’s post is about a couple firsts for me and what those mean to me and how I feel about them.
So today was my first workout since my dad’s fall. It felt fantastic to get back on my bike. It felt great to sweat and get smelly again.
The last song in my playlist for my ride is “Marry Me” and not that the particular song means anything but I hadn’t realized how much a song with a strong guitar sound would crush me. I cried like a friggen baby while I was supposed to be stretching. Great big alligator tears.
The significance of that first is that since my dad’s accident I have cried only a handful of times. And more out of shock and exhaustion than anything other than one huge tantrum I threw in the car on our way into the hospital at 3:00am. Last night I shed a few tears when “Let Go Now Daddy” came on the radio because we played it for my dad at the hospital and all I could picture was him lying in the bed.
But this morning, riding my bike…one my passions that came totally from my dad (be sure to read the story being done by McLean’s magazine and you’ll understand the significance of my bike riding)…and then hearing a song played mainly with a guitar and only being able to hear and see my dad playing his guitar when I closed my eyes. He didn’t play ofter once we were older but from stories I heard he used to play for me all the time when I was little and more specifically played the song “Julia” that was done by the Beatles I believe. He also played at my wedding with our family friend Malcolm while one of my best friends, Kristi, sang.
Life has been crazy busy since my dad’s accident with trying to get caught up on my government work, hosting several events, and trying to keep my girls schedules as normal as possible. But as that is all starting to get back to somewhat normal and I find myself relaxing a bit I find myself to be more emotional and am a little worried about what that means and where I might be headed. I kind of like that strong, invinsible image I can portray…lol.
Well I guess all I can do is move forward one day at a time. There are going to be a lot of firsts I will have to do without my dad that I took for granted before. I will have to fix my bike, figure out photography lighting myself, learn the tricks of running without feeling like I am going to puke by myself and continue to live without surround sound in our living room.